and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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