i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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