Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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