You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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