i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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