how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
