I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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