Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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