I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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