So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
