she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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