did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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