If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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