OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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