haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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