I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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