It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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