In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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