I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
