Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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