I murdered the dance floor call the cops
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
