I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
