you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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