last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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