Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
