Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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