So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's shark week go big or go home
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
