you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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