ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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