our cab driver is having phone sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
