It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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