If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
