"it" just moved
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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