hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
