I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You made out with two different species that night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
