just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
