So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
