you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
