I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
