I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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