genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
