remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
