So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
