what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
