I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
