And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
