Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just gift wrapped bread.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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