Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
