I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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