Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
