you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
