Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
