It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
