My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
