he thought i was a dude.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
