Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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