What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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