I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
