So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
be right there i have to get my cape
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
