So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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