Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Randomize
