As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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