i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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