I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
