Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
