note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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