You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
