So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
