if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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