Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
