sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
