I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
