He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize