Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
