it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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