just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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