If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
