I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
