i think i have two assholes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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