Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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