Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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