She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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