Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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